You Experience the Life you Focus on.
I heard this quote recently and it really resonated with me as it perfectly summed up the reality of our lived experience.
Our experience of life is determined by what we focus on.
What we focus on is influenced by various factors including our beliefs and our internal state.
But if we can change our focus we can literally change our lived experience. It really is that simple.
Let me ask you a question. Have you ever found yourself buying something new, like a car, only to find after you bought it, that everyone else seems to have one too?
This is not because suddenly everyone bought that care on the same day you bought yours. They were always driving that car, you just never noticed it because it was not important to you.
We have what is called our Reticular Activating System (RAS) to thank for this phenomena. This is the part of your brain that is responsible for filtering out irrelevant or unimportant information. It does this by identifying what you are interested in, or what is important to you, and filters out anything that does not conform to this. It is a very useful part of the brain as it prevents us being over loaded with sensory information. It would be impossible to process all of the sensory data at once and so the RAS just selects information that is important and the rest is discarded.
Social media platforms work in the same way. They operate with their own man-made RAS and will show you information that you have shown an interest in previously. Notice this next time you scroll through your feed - isn’t it weird that you are getting advertisements, posts and news articles that all have similar themes? The ‘RAS’ of the site you are scrolling has noticed that certain posts and adverts get your attention more than others - so it shows you more of the same.
So, much like a social media site. If we constantly focus on negative stimuli, engage in negative gossip, look at what we don’t have then our RAS will show is more of the same. The RAS will confirm your experience by only allowing information through that reinforces your negative state. Thus a self-fulfilling cycle of thinking occurs.
Back to my original point, if we can change our focus then we can literally change our lived experience because we can interrupt the negative cycle of thinking by simply switching our focus.
However, whilst the concept is simple the reality of changing our focus is more difficult. Our focus is often habituated | (it is automatic). Therefore, changing where we place our focus can be more challenging than we might first imagine. But it is possible.
Before we explore how to do this I would like to make it clear that the concept I am referring to is not the same as toxic positivity. There will be times in our lives when things are genuinely terrible and no matter how hard we try we won’t be able to ‘think’ our way out of it, but if we can condition ourselves over time to focus more on the positive then we will be equipped with the resilience and mindset to navigate these situations more effectively.
Maybe an easier way to think about this is to draw a comparison with our physical ability to withstand and recover from illness. If we condition our body to work more effectively by eating nourishing foods, exercising and avoiding toxins then when we get ill our body is better equipped to fight off the infection. If however, we eat poorly, don’t move our body, get poor sleep and regularly consume toxins then when we get an infection we will struggle to fight it off and we will feel the effects much more acutely.
As with looking after our physical health, looking after our mental health takes mindful effort. At least to start with. The more we practice looking after it the more habituated it gets and the more we enjoy it.
How do we change our focus? Good question. An easy way to start is to simply practice gratitude each day. If you ‘tag’ the practice of gratitude onto something else you already do everyday, like brushing your teeth, it is easier to remember to do. As you brush your teeth think of three things you are grateful for. Things that make you feel happy or which bring you contentment or joy. They can be small or big. The important thing is that they are meaningful to you. If you do this each day and try and to think of three new things you are slowly conditioning your brain to start focusing on the positive.
For example, today I am grateful for:
Living in a beautiful area where I have the countryside on my doorstep.
My Dogs for giving me the excuse to get our and explore the countryside.
My friend for suggesting a new walk that was absolutely stunning and only 10 minutes away.
Once you have thought of your three things, write them down. Over time, this because a wonderful tool to reflect on and see all of the things that bring you happiness.
Remember your experience of life reflects where you direct your focus. Life will have it ups and downs but you will be much better at navigating the downs when your mind is healthy and strong. Don’t wait for things to get difficult to start focusing on the good, that is like waiting until you are ill to start eating healthier. Start today and start feeling better now.
"‘You are the architect of your own life’ (Henry Thomas) so design the life you want and then live it.
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