Your Own Worst Enemy.

Are you your own worst enemy?

What you believe controls you. What do you need to believe to create the life you want?

How do you see yourself? How do you define yourself? What are your beliefs? What is your identity? What story do you tell about yourself?

Your identity is the way you define yourself and is formed from your beliefs and your values. It directly influences your behaviour and the choices you make so every action is a reflection of what you believe.

Your identity can either free you or hold you prisoner, it can empower you or restrict you, it can open up opportunities or destroy possibilities.

Whether you believe you can or can’t, you are right.

We are strongly driven, internally and unconsciously, to behave in a way that is consistent with our identity. We will subconsciously look for information that confirms our beliefs and if this means behaving in ways that bring about evidence that conforms our beliefs then so be it.

When our identity, and resulting actions, help us to grow and achieve success then it can serve us. But the opposite is also true - when our identity, and actions, holds us back from achieving our goals and dreams then it limits our potential. We are literally our own worse enemies when it comes to realising the life we want. We will make excuses, create barriers and hold ourself back just to stay consistent with our identity.

Our beliefs direct our behaviour with so much force that when the two do not align we experience something called ‘Cognitive Dissonance’. This is when our behaviour is in direct conflict with our beliefs creating an internal discomfort. For example, if you believe you are an animal lover but you eat meat you will experience an unpleasant internal conflict. This state is so uncomfortable you will be forced to eliminate it and to do this you will either need to change your behaviour, I.e. ‘I will stop eating meat’, or change your beliefs, I.e. ‘Its okay to eat animals providing they have had a good life’. It can be so powerful that you will seek to question and challenge opinions that do not conform to your own.

So, when we experience Cognitive Dissonance we will be unconsciously motivated to change either our behaviour or our beliefs to maintain an internal balance.

Therefore, when we want to make a behavioural change in some aspect of our lives we need to ensure that our beliefs align with this behaviour. As such, change needs to happen on two levels - at the level of behaviour and also the level of beliefs. If you do not change your beliefs then your behaviour change will not be sustainable as there will always be an internal conflict between the two and you will self-sabotage in order to bring balance back to your internal state.

For example, if you believe that you can not lose weight no matter what you try then you will define yourself by that belief - ‘I am just one of those people who can’t lose weight’. Note, that you are not always conscious of the beliefs you hold - so these beliefs often influence us without our awareness.

When you hold the belief that you can’t lose weight you will be motivated to confirm this belief. For instance, you may start a new diet and even start losing weight, but this outcome does not align with your unconscious beliefs around your weight so you start to self-sabotage and the weight goes back on. You have confirmed your belief that you just can’t lose weight - Your identity is intact.

The alternative to this outcome is to change your belief from one that says you can’t lose weight to one that says you can thereby achieving balance. By doing this you are more likely to behave consistently in a way that moves you towards your goal of weight loss because it has become a part of your identity - ‘I am someone who can lose weight’. You start creating an identity that supports this belief and this presents in behaviour that aligns with the belief i.e. eating more mindfully & exercising more regularly.

However, changing your beliefs, and therefore your identity, is not straightforward. The process of change is complex and will affect multiple belief systems that have been created through years of conditioning and which have probably served us well in other ways. We will encounter great resistance when we try to change our beliefs because they have become so central to the way we define and identify ourselves.

If this sounds extreme look at the society we live in. Look at the conflicts that arise as a result of differences in beliefs and identities. We are so determined to reinforce our own beliefs that we will actively look to sabotage and destroy another persons beliefs and identity so we can feel more assured in our own. If we can do this to another person why is it so far fetched to believe that we can also do it to ourselves?

It is only possible to experience lasting change in your life, whether that be in your mind, your body, your work or your relationships when your behaviour and beliefs align - you have to shift your identity.

Therefore, if you are making a behaviour change then shifting your beliefs is going to be essential to enjoying long term success.

As a Life Coach I work with my clients to not only change their behaviour but also shift their limiting beliefs so they can finally step into the person and the life they truly want.

What beliefs are holding you back from the life you want? If you are stuck in a negative cycle of behaviours that you just can’t seem to break free from, chances are a shift in beliefs and identity is needed and it is time to reflect and be honest with yourself about what you really want and what you are prepared to do to get it.

Change is never easy, but understanding what is truly holding you back from the changes you want to make is essential in order to bring about lasting change. It starts and ends with you. Why not start now?

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