It’s that time of year again when we have completely over indulged and our clothes are feeling a little (a lot) tighter than normal. Perhaps you can’t remember the last time you had an alcohol or a sugar free day. Going to bed late after binge watching Netflix has become the norm, exercise has gone out the window and you have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is.

With your body feeling, and looking like a mince pie you now start making plans for the all the healthy changes you are going to make. You begin making your list…

Lose one stone by summer
Dry January
Give up vaping
Cut down on Social media
Exercise at least 3 times a week
Meditate daily
Keep a gratitude journal
Spend more time with family
Get outdoors into nature every day for at least 10 minutes.

Yep, that’s a good list. You start to visualise this healthier, calmer, slimmer you. She’s happy, has tonnes of energy, never shouts at her kids and has a beautifully decorated and perfectly managed home. Your dream of you instaperfect life and think - I can do it! This year is going to be different. You feel motivated and get further inspiration scrolling Pinterest for ‘body transformations’ which you then collate into a ‘vision board’ that resembles a Victoria Secrets catwalk.

January 1st arrives, you feel determined and get off to a flying start. You go out for a 5km walk with your family (tick, tick, tick) and then tuck into a healthy dinner of chicken breast, vegetables and brown rice (tick). You stay away from the wine and instead opt for a nice sparkling water with a slice of lemon (tick). You go to bed early and spend 30 minutes writing in your journal identifying all of the things you are grateful for (tick), before spending 10 minutes colouring your mindful colouring book (tick). Excellent. This isn’t so difficult, in fact its actually quite pleasant, you can see yourself enjoying these changes.

However, as the days tick by the novelty starts to wear off. Your family and children start irritating you, you’d rather curl up on the sofa watching Netflix than get your lycra on and go to spin, and you are struggling to find things to feel grateful about. Your new healthy habits start slipping and slowly (but surely) some old habits start creeping back in - a sugar in your tea, a glass of wine before bed, later nights, scrolling social media for hours…

This is a universally familiar story. It is not unique. There is nothing wring with the resolutions and had you been able to sustain them you would probably find yourself looking and feeling a lot better. So the good news is that you have not ‘failed’. You just didn’t set realistic goals and didn’t have a decent plan for achieving them.

Simply put, you set yourself up for failure, rather than success. NB - This is not the same as being a failure!

How do we set ourselves up for success?

Well, that is what I am here to help you with.

If you follow the steps in the guide below I can guarantee that you will be significantly more likely to follow through on whatever changes you want to make, no matter how small or big.

Yes, it will take a bit of time to set up but you have to prepare. You have to make a plan. You have to go forward intentionally and realistically. The time you invest into your resolutions now will save you a lot of potential future heartache and frustration. Whatever you want 2023 to bring you, you can make it happen!

My guide to making sustainable and realistic new year resolutions

Step 1 - Write down your goals or resolutions.

You might already do this. Perhaps you write them down in a brand new journal or diary. A fresh journal for a fresh start! This is good but what helps even more is to write them down on post it notes that you can put up around the house, as a screen saver or whereever you can see them everyday.

Whilst I have put this as Step 1 you may want to revisit it after the next few steps as you may find your resolutions changing.

Step 2 - For resolution identify at least two reasons why it is important to you.

Okay, you have identified some goals or changes that you would like to make. The next step is to identify why that particular goal is important to you. On the surface it may seem obvious, but as you dig deeper you may discover that either it isn’t actually that important or there is something more important underlying it. This is probably better explained using an example.

Let’s say you want to lose some weight. When you start uncovering why it is important you may discover that it is less about weight and more with developing confidence. Let me illustrate….

What is your resolution? - ‘to lose 20lbs by July’.
Why is that important to you? - ‘Because I want to feel slimmer’.
That’s okay but why is it important for you to feel slimmer? ‘Because if I feel slimmer I will be more confident’.
Good, so why is it important for you to feel more confident? ‘Because then I will feel confident I can register with a dating company and start looking for a partner’.
Excellent, so why is it important for you to find a partner? ‘Because I want someone special to share my life with, so I am not on my own’.

Okay, so actually what you really want is to feel more confident and less lonely? And you think that by losing 20lbs you will be able to achieve that confidence and find someone to share experiences with?

Ah I see, so maybe your resolution could be… ‘I want to develop my confidence and meet new people’.

Losing weight might contribute to the desired outcome but it is certainly not the only factor that needs addressing.

By going through this process and really drilling down into why the resolution is important you will be able to validate your initial resolutions and/or dump any that aren’t actually that important. Consequently you will be able to focus on the resolutions that are really meaningful to you. Furthermore, by assessing the importance of each resolution you will be reinforcing the significance of each one in your mind. Then, when your motivation is challenged, you will have greater awareness and inner strength to stay on course and not get diverted.

Step 3 - identify potential barriers.

For each resolution list what has prevented you following through with it in the past or, If it is a completely new goal/resolution, list the potential barriers that may prevent you from achieving it.

This is an essential step in the planning of your resolutions. Failure to address barriers will inevitably result in an inability to see your resolutions through to a successful outcome. There are always going to be barriers so acknowledging them and planning what you will do when you are faced with them will help you deal with them more effectively. These barriers could be environmental or they could be psychological.

Let me give an example to illustrate….

Lets say you have tried to lose weight in the past and have always started successfully. The first 7lbs comes off easily enough and you feel like this time it will be different. But then, you hit a wall. The weight stops coming off. You deny yourself treats, you pick the salad options, you restrict drinking and you are keeping up your exercise. Why are you not losing any more weight? Chances are you have just hit a plateau, which is very common, and you might simply need to make a couple of small adjustments to kick start things again.

However, instead you become frustrated and fed up. The sense of failure and disappointment are overwhelming and you start questioning why you are putting yourself through it. You start to convince yourself that it would be a good idea to have some time off, to relax things a little bit and then start again on Monday. But soon enough you fall into a vicious cycle - you are restrictive and disciplined during the week and then binge at the weekend. Your weight loss completely stagnates and some weeks you find yourself putting on 1-2lbs. Gradually, you don’t know when, but you just throw in the towel. You tell yourself you will start again after the holiday/after Christmas/after your birthday….always after….

So what was the barrier? In this case it is the inevitable plateau, or slowing down in weight loss. You know it will come, because it always do. So how do you make sure it doesn’t hold you back this time around? You could do some research and find out ways to overcome plateaus and make a plan to implement some of these at strategies when you notice things slowing down.

Even better you could get in touch with a professional who can guide you and provide encouragement when you hit a wall. Or, you could join a group to keep you accountable so that you don’t make excuses when it gets tough and you have others to lean on for support.

Plan for the barrier and it will be less likely to send you off course. Make sure your goals are realistic and factor in off moments. Barriers are far harder to overcome when our goals are unrealistic and don’t allow any flexibility.

Often the biggest barriers to overcome are found in our own heads. We become victims of self-sabotage, self-limiting beliefs, ingrained habits and human cognitive biases. We are all vulnerable to these barriers and often we need support and guidance to help us navigate and overcome them. If we do not address them then we will inevitably struggle and find ourselves back to where we began.

Top athletes and sporting professionals have coaches to help them excel and break boundaries of human strength and endurance. So, it makes sense that if we are to become our bestest, badass selves we might need a little help to get us there.

Do not feel weak for getting professional support on your journey, whether that’s enlisting the help from a therapist, personal trainer, dietician, specialist groups or health and life coaches like myself, it can make the difference between having the year you really want or being back in the same place in 12 months time no further along. This is all about being prepared for the trip wires along the way.

Step 4 - For each goal/resolution create an action plan.

This follows nicely on from Step 3 and is where you are gong to break each resolution down into achievable, realistic steps.

For example, if your resolution is to find your dream home how will you do it? if you break it down into manageable, realistic steps, with time restrictions, you will be more likely to make progress. A plan might look like:

1 - Research mortgage options and find out how much you can afford to borrow - 23rd Jan.
2 - Factor in and plan additional spending requirements and work our how much you need to save each month - 26th Jan.
3 - Register details with local estate agents - 30th Jan.
4 - Arrange to view a variety of houses to start narrowing down the ‘non-negotiable’ - 30th Feb.

Etc…you get the point. Be as specific as possible in the steps you plan. Don’t worry about having lots of little steps. Small steps are psychologically much easier to grapple with, particularly when you are busy in other areas of your life - you are less likely to put them off and therefore keep moving forward.

Ensure that your steps are written out and somewhere you can see them. Check them off as you go for added satisfaction!

Step 6 - Opt for progress, not perfection.

This is can not be understated. As you start implementing changes opt for progress rather than perfection. Perfection is the ultimate barrier to success. Why? Because for most people perfectionism results in all or nothing thinking so as soon as you have a bad day you will be tempted to throw in the towel and walk away. Whereas if you adopt the strategy of just moving forward with little steps (as outlined above) you will be more compassionate with yourself if you do have an off day and far more likely to get back in the saddle the next day.

Expect to have bad days. You will have them. Plan for them. Accept them. Every step forward is a step closer to your goal. If you just move one foot forward per day, that’s 7 steps in one week and 365 in one year. If you focus on losing just 1lb per week that is 52lbs in one year. Progress, not perfection.

If you have managed to stay with me until this point then well done! Hopefully you have found the information useful and hopefully, if you follow some or all of the steps you will find yourself in a much better place in 12 months time.

However, remember, sometimes it is okay to just be as you are. Unless there is an area of your life that you are unhappy with then it is okay to simply be. Maybe your resolution could just be to not make any resolutions. Whatever you choose to do I wish you a very peaceful and happy 2023!

If you want to receive more inspirational content simply subscribe to my newsletter below or follow me via social media.

How to set a Resolution you will actually keep.

You Experience the Life you Focus on.

How do you talk to yourself?