Overwhelmed?
Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed all the time?
Are you exhausted but have no idea how to change things so that you can reduce the overwhelm and have a bit more time for you. I get it, I really do.
I lived in overwhelm for years and just figured that it was just the way it was. Everyone around me also lived in overwhelm so it was just part of life. But chronic overwhelm is not a status to aspire to. Being so busy you don’t know what day it is, is not a sign of being successful and doing it all. It is a one way ticket to exhaustion, burnout, illness and mental health problems.
Overwhelm from time to time is a normal part of life and won’t significantly impact on your health, but for many people who live in a state of ongoing overwhelm with no end in sight it can be dangerous.
Feeling overwhelmed happens when we feel we don’t have the resources to cope with the demands being placed on us. We can experience overwhelm when something is demanding attention from us but we don’t have the time, space, energy or skills to meet the demand.
How do we know we are in a state of overwhelm?
It can feel like you can’t cope, that things are too much, and you may even find you start making mistakes, ‘dropping balls’ and failing at things you wouldn’t normally struggle with. Indicators may vary but just that sense that you can’t cope, having foggy headedness, fatigue for no good reason, irritability and making poor choices are some of the usual signs. You will also probably find yourself experiencing the acute symptoms of stress more regularly - racing heart, butterflies, feeling hot, agitation, shaking etc.
The pressure which chronic overwhelm places on your mind and body can take a significant toll. It can negatively impact on you physically and mentally - if you are feeling overwhelmed more often than not you should not ignore it. It is a sign that you and/or your life is out of balance and you need to evaluate the causes and take steps to address them.
Types of Overwhelm
Before we get into how to reduce overwhelmed it is important to understand that there are different forms of overwhelm and how we respond to each one varies. Two main types of overwhelm exist and I will refer to Mel Robbins for this one as she sums them up perfectly.
One form of overwhelm is ‘Legitimate’ Overwhelm and the other is ‘Lifestyle’ Overwhelm.
Legitimate overwhelm refers to temporary overwhelm brought about by significant events in our lives. For example, preparing for a wedding, having a baby, changing jobs etc. Legitimate overwhelm can be short term or long term depending on the event, but it is always temporary. There is often no avoiding the causes of this form of overwhelm and they can take up a lot of your time and attention.
Lifestyle overwhelm, on the other hand, refers to daily pressures, the things that need your attention on a day to day basis and which you feel pressured to address.
How to manage legitimate overwhelm.
Okay, so there is no getting away from the causes of this type of overwhelm so the key is to make time to look after yourself, prioritise, create routine and delegate to ensure you have the resources and energy to stay the course.
Self-care is going to be essential and therefore, eating well, sleeping and exercising will need to be prioritised above nearly everything else. Limit things that you know will impact on your energy - avoid alcohol, cancel social events, eat proper food and drink plenty of water. Factor in time for movement and getting outside. When you look after yourself from the inside you will find the overwhelm more manageable and bearable.
Prioritisation is also important so identify 3 things each day which you can’t ignore and focus on them alone. One way of doing this is simply to do a brain dump. Get a piece of paper and write down everything that is in your head. Once on paper choose three items that you want to prioritise for that day and when you are done rest.
Organisation and routine - it is important to create structure in your day as doing so will alleviate the mental load. Routine will be your friend. Prepare the night before for the following day - get bags ready, get clothes out and plan timings for things you have to do. Stressful and rushed mornings set the tone for the rest of the day so if you can create a routine and structure at the beginning of the day that promotes calm and balance then it is likely that this will help you to manage the day ahead more effectively.
Lastly, delegate and delegate. When you are managing a situation that places limits on your ability to do the normal day to day stuff it is important to ask for help and outsource jobs wherever you can. This will give you the time, space and release the mental load allowing you to focus on what really needs your attention.
How to manage lifestyle overwhelm
Okay, so first things first. You do not NEED to do it all. As with legitimate overwhelm, prioritisation is your friend. Each day perform a brain dump and get everything you are thinking about onto a piece of paper. Often, we can feel overwhelmed simply because we are trying to hold everything in our minds - its too much for our brains to think about so we get brain fatigue and find it impossible think clearly. So, do a brain dump and prioritise three tasks that need your attention most. Focus on these three tasks and then, if you have time, identity the next task and so on and so forth.
In short, remember the power of three. Aim to complete just three tasks. If something is really important and it’s not on your list, it will get your attention. If it doesn’t get your attention, chances are it wasn’t that important in the first place.
One of the biggest barriers to managing lifestyle overwhelm and making progress is procrastination. We procrastinate either because we feel overwhelmed or because we don’t want to do the things that need our attention. The problem is, the more you procrastinate, the more overwhelmed you will feel.
So, to help you overcome this barrier here are some tips.
Firstly, start with the thing you least want to do and do it as soon as you can in the morning when your cognitive endurance is at its highest. If you avoid doing it in the morning by the time it comes around to the afternoon, when you are feeling more tired, chances are you will put it off and never get it done. Therefore, pick the thing you want to do least and do it first.
Secondly, if there is something that you really don’t want to do and you are avoiding getting tell yourself you are just going to do five minutes and set a timer for five minutes. When the alarm goes off you can stop. This will make the task much less overwhelming and you will probably find that by the time you are five minutes in you will have the motivation to continue for a bit longer.
Thirdly, delegate. if there are jobs that you really don’t enjoy and you have the means to outsource them, then employ someone to do it for you. For example, many people hate cleaning and find they don’t have the spare time to do it properly. They get frustrated with the dust and dirt and this contributes further to their state of overwhelm. One solution is to get a cleaner to come in once a week for a couple of hours. Look at where you can cut back on other spending and invest in something that will make your life easier on a day to day basis.
Lastly, ask yourself, what will make this task more enjoyable. For example, if you hate ironing and you Keep putting it off, what will make that task a little more attractive? You might want to put on a favourite podcast, or listen to some music, or perhaps call a friend on speaker and have a catch up. Whatever it is just add something in that you do enjoy and it will make the task much more bearable, and perhaps even enjoyable!
To summarise - when you are feeling overwhelmed, whether because of legitimate or lifestyle overwhelm, remember the following strategies to help you manage the cause and the impact.
Self-care
Brain dump and Prioritise.
Prepare the night before for the day ahead.
Ask for help / Delegate / Outsource
What will make it more enjoyable?
If the overwhelm you are experiencing is down to feeling stuck with areas of your life such as career, relationships or life transitions then this might indicate you need to change direction or refocus on what is important to you. Check out the following links:
Is your attachment to things keeping you stuck?
If you have found this post useful why not pass it on to someone else who you think could benefit.
If no one has reminded you recently, remember it is okay to rest, to slow down and to put yourself first!