A Person is Defined by their Actions.
Let me ask you a question….
Are you satisfied with your life?
If you are dissatisfied with your life, or some aspect of your behaviour, take a moment to close your eyes and visualise the person you aspire to be. What is their life like? How does this person behave? How do they respond to challenge? What are their daily habits? How do they dress? What type of people do they socialise with?
Remember, this is still you, but it is just a version that represents how you aspire to be.
NB - If you are happy in your life and you are content in yourself then this post is not aimed at you. I am aiming this at people, who like myself, have found themselves, at times, stuck in a rut. They know something is missing or something needs to change but they find it difficult to get started. If that is you then, my friend, this is for you.
When you think about becoming the person you visualise, what do you need to change in your life for that person to become a reality?
Are you waiting until you've lost weight? Perhaps, you are waiting until you get the promotion you have been after? Or, perhaps you are waiting until you meet your life long partner? Or, maybe once your kids are a bit older?
How long have you been waiting for the perfect conditions to arise so that you can gracefully metamorphosis into the person you have always dreamed of being?
The reality is that you could be waiting a lifetime.
But there is another way to bring about the change you seek. It is called Behavioural Activation.
Behavioural activation is an approach that focuses on helping individuals engage in behaviours that are consistent with their values and goals in order to improve their mood and overall well-being in the present - not in the future.
What this essentially means is that you behave in a way which aligns with the outcomes you want. Simply put, you behave like a person who already has the desired outcome, you don’t wait for the outcome to start behaving like that person. Read that again.
For illustrations purposes let me give you an example. Let’s say that I want to lose weight. When I think about the person I would be at my goal weight I imagine someone who enjoys eating a balanced diet with lots of whole foods, they exercise regularly and go to bed at a decent hour. They take pride in looking after their body and are mindful of what they feed it all the time. This person does not eat lots of processed foods, even as a ‘treat’, they do not drink half a bottle of wine each night whilst they watch Netflix till 11pm. They do not trade exercise with a coffee and cake.
So, rather than wait until I have lost weight to be this person, I start acting like this person now. Even when I don’t want to. So, I might start making sure I get to bed early 4 nights a week, I clear out the shit from my cupboards to remove temptation to snack on junk food, I make myself big salads for lunch the night before and I enrol onto a couple of exercise classes a week. I make looking after myself a priority.
Rather than wait until I have lost weight to treat my body and mind with the care it deserves, I do it now. I practice loving my body even though it’s not the body I want.
It makes sense doesn’t it. But it’s crazy just how much we fall into the trap of waiting for the outcome before we act like the person we want to be.
This approach is often used to treat depression and anxiety and involves setting goals and identifying activities that bring pleasure or a sense of accomplishment. When we are depressed we tend to shut away from the world, reduce our activities and interactions but unfortunately this behaviour reinforces the symptoms. With behavioural activation a person is encouraged to gently and gradually increase their pleasurable activities and interactions resulting in a reduction in the negative symptoms. It’s not rocket science but it has been shown to be very effective.
NB - Depression is a complex condition and causes are not the same for everyone - the information above relates to particular forms of depression. If you suspect that you are suffering from depression you should contact your GP to access appropriate support. For more information click on this link - NHS Depression
If you are thinking of trying this approach, don’t make this mistake….
One of the biggest mistakes we make when we are trying to bring about a change in some area of our lives is to go BIG. We set huge goals and believe that we have to engage in drastic change to bring those goals to reality. When we do this we are setting ourselves up for failure. For most people our brains can not tolerate the sort of change required to achieve big goals. Our brains are designed to keep us safe and any sort of change presents a threat as it takes us out of the familiar - so the bigger the change, the bigger the threat and the more your brain will resist and attempt to self-sabotage your efforts.
So, rather than try and fight with the natural wiring of our brain (we will inevitably lose) it is far more sensible to work with it and this means taking small steps and breaking our goals down. For example. rather than giving ourselves the goal of losing 28lbs in four months, we give ourselves the goal of losing 1.5lbs a week. By focusing on the short term and a smaller goal we are more likely to stick to the behaviours required to bring about the outcome. It is less overwhelming.
Additionally, by taking small steps towards your goals, you can gradually build confidence and achieve a sense of accomplishment which brings a sense of control and empowerment which helps to propel you forward. This is the opposite of what occurs when we attempt to take big steps - when we do this we fall short and feel like we have failed and this feeds into a lack of self-worth and confidence and perpetuates the feeling that we will never achieve our goals.
To conclude, I have covered two separate but related issues:
Firstly, if you want to achieve something or change a behaviour, don't wait around for the conditions to be right. Start acting in a way that aligns to your goal or the behaviour change you want to experience. Yes, I said 'acting' because you are essentially acting. To begin with - you might not feel like doing the 'thing' you need to do but you do it anyway and the feeling comes secondary to the action. Eventually, if you persist the behaviour becomes integrated and you no longer have to 'act' it - it is you.
Secondly, when you start adapting your behaviour do not go full throttle all at once. Change one small thing and then gradually build up. If you want to be the sort of person who has a rock solid morning routine start by setting your alarm for whatever time you want to get up at and make it your mission to get your ass out of bed each day at that time for seven days. Once you have that down then add in another behaviour (like getting outside for a 20 minute walk) and so on and so forth. Before you know it your morning routine will be a reality and no longer a distant goal.
Behaviour change is complex. It is not just a case of having enough discipline or motivation. There are a variety of psychological processes at work and what works for one person may not work for another. You are unique, your behaviour is unique and the factors which drive your behaviour, decisions and thought processes are unique so if something hasn't worked for you but it has worked for someone else this does not mean that you have failed - you just haven't found an approach that works for you.
If you are struggling with changing some aspect of your behaviour or you are struggling to achieve goals that are important to you then hiring a coach could help. If you would like to explore how I could potentially support you to achieve your goals, gain clarity, find direction or create new habits that help you to thrive, why not book a free discovery call with me today. You have nothing to lose.
Your Wellbeing. Your Life. Your Future. Your Choice.
"Life is short so make it happen. Live your life to the fullest, keep pushing forwards and take little actions every day towards your dreams. Time is precious and every moment counts"