What Does it Mean to Be Fulfilled?
Fulfilment is a deeply personal experience. But what does it actually look like? How does it feel? How do you know when you are truly fulfilled – or perhaps it’s easier to recognise when you are not? And, more importantly, how can we achieve fulfilment?
These are the questions I have been reflecting on this week.
To varying degrees, I often find myself sensing that there is something more or that something missing. I have a wonderful life. A fulfilling personal life with my incredible children, husband, and friends. A rewarding career in teaching and coaching. The privilege to prioritise my health, exercise regularly, and access good food. But when I take a step back, I realise there is an aspect of myself that I have been neglecting: my need for learning and growth.
When I immerse myself in learning something new, I feel truly fulfilled. It wasn’t until recently that I recognised this as one of my core values, but it clearly is. When I’m not engaging in learning or growth, I feel restless. This personal experience I think highlights the importance for all of us, in terms of understanding our values in order to identify areas of our lives that deserve attention.
The Role of Values in Fulfilment
Too often, we inadvertently allow societal expectations or media influences to dictate what we should be doing, how we should live, and who we should be. Then, we wonder why we feel unfulfilled, sensing that something is missing.
In many ways, we are privileged. With our basic needs (food, safety, shelter and warmth) largely met, we have the opportunity to pursue self-actualisation – to grow, find purpose, and focus on what truly matters to us. But despite this, many of us feel stuck, uncertain about what we really want or how to move forward. We stay in unfulfilling jobs, relationships that no longer bring joy, friendships that drain us, or settle for a level of health that leaves us feeling exhausted. We fear the unknown, yet we remain deeply dissatisfied where we are.
The huge amount of information from technology and social media makes things tougher. Constantly comparing ourselves, facing mixed messages, and seeing unrealistic success stories can cloud our thinking. Plus, we often don't have the time to reflect and understand ourselves. This leads to confusion and a lack of self-awareness.
Gaining Clarity: Identifying Your Core Values
So, what’s the solution? The first step is to create space for self-reflection and gain clarity on what truly matters to you. This means identifying your core values.
Core values are the fundamental beliefs and principles that guide your decisions, actions, and overall approach to life. They’re like your personal navigation system, helping you determine what truly matters to you and what feels right or wrong. These values shape your priorities, influence your sense of fulfilment, and help you navigate challenges. Think of them as the non-negotiables that make you you—whether it’s honesty, growth, connection, adventure, kindness, or learning, they define what brings you purpose and meaning.
When you neglect them they will let you know in a variety of uncomfortable ways. They may show up as symptoms of stress, physical ailments, discontent, anger and frustration among others. As in all things emotions, and your body’s responses, are all messages about your internal physical or psychological state. failing to listen to your body only compounds the problem.
The psycholgical discomfort is known as cognitive dissonance – the psychological tension we feel when our actions contradict our core beliefs and values. To ease this discomfort, we either change our behaviour or justify our choices. More often than not, we justify – and remain unfulfilled. However, the path to true happiness and well-being lies in making the necessary changes to align our actions with our values.
Once you can identify your core values, you can then assess whether your current life aligns with them and/or if you are neglecting any of them.
By taking gradual steps towards living in alignment with your values, you can achieve a sense of congruence – a state of peace and fulfilment. If you realise that a core value has been neglected, consider what small changes you can make to honour it in a way that feels realistic and manageable.
So, if your are feeling stuck, discontent or misaligned then I invite you to carry out the following exercise to gain clarity and bring attention to those areas in your life that deserve your time and focus.
Coaching Exercise: The Values Alignment Map
This exercise will help you identify your core values and assess how well you are currently honouring them in your life.
Step 1: Identify Your Core Values
Reflect on what truly matters to you by answering the following questions:
Think of a time when you felt completely fulfilled. What was happening? What were you doing?
What qualities do you admire in others?
If you had unlimited time and resources, what would you spend your energy on?
What are the non-negotiables in your life?
From these reflections, create a list of 5-10 core values.
Step 2: Assess Alignment
Draw a simple table with three columns:
Value – Write down each value.
Current Alignment (1-10) – Rate how well you are currently living in alignment with each value.
Action to Realign – Identify one small action you can take to bring more focus to this value.
Step 3: Commit to Small, Consistent Changes
Focus on one value at a time and take a small, manageable action. Over time, these small shifts will lead to greater alignment and fulfilment.
Final Thoughts
Each time you sense a feeling of discontent, revisit this exercise. It will help you develop deeper self-awareness and gradually create a life that feels more balanced and at peace. By honouring your values, you can cultivate a life that is truly fulfilling – on your terms.
For me, I am committing a few hours each week to explore something that excites me: Sport and Performance Psychology. I loved sports and psychology in my youth, aspiring to be a Sport Psychologist, but injuries redirected my path. Now, I'm drawn back to what once brought me joy - watch this space!
What can you do this week to create a greater sense of fulfilment in your life? Remember, there is no need to achieve everything all at once – that can often lead to feelings of overwhelm. Instead, focus on taking just one simple action, performed consistently over time, which will gradually move you in the right direction. You'll find that as you incorporate these small steps into your daily routine, the rest will naturally follow. This approach serves as the foundation for meaningful change in all areas of your life – it truly is all about being small and consistent.