I Don’t Care What They Think!

I don’t care what they think.

If you’ve ever said this, trust me - you do care.

I care. I always have. I’ve spent my life trying to conform to what others expect, shaping myself into someone I thought would be more acceptable, more likeable. If someone didn’t like me, was unkind, left me out, or didn’t consider me, I believed it was because I had done something wrong, or worse - because there was something wrong with me.

I could unpack the conditioning that turned me into such a worrier and chronic people-pleaser, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Today, I want to talk about how I’m learning to change this mindset through a simple yet powerful idea: ‘Let them’ This is not my theory - it belongs to the brilliant Mel Robbins, whom I absolutely love. You should check out her podcast if you haven’t already (Link below).

For now, I want to pass on her wisdom in a way that makes sense to me. And if you’re a chronic people-pleaser, maybe it will bring you some relief too.

The ‘Let Them’ Mindset

Simply put: You cannot control other people - their thoughts, their actions, their inactions, or their words. You can’t dictate what they say about you, how they feel about you, or whether they approve of you - no matter how hard you try.

You could be the most considerate, thoughtful, and giving person in the world, and yet, there will always be someone who sees you negatively. That’s life and whats the point anyway if you are only ever putting out an edited version of you - that is no way to exist. You are absolutely enough exactly as you are - in all your colours and shades of grey.

Instead, of trying to control them, let them do whatever it is they want to do, let them say whatever it is they want to, let them.

The only thing you can control, in any situation, is yourself - your thoughts, your words, your actions. As long as you are behaving in a way that aligns with your values - acting in a way that is true and right for you - then if someone misinterprets you or doesn’t like you, you can still be at peace. Let you do you.

This Is Not a Free Pass to Be an Arsehole

This doesn’t mean you should act without thought. It’s not an excuse to be careless or inconsiderate. This isn’t a ‘I will do what I say and want and screw everyone else’ thing. It is ultimately about accountability to yourself and not to others’ opinions - are you acting in a way that you can be happy with?

So, ask yourself: on reflection am I proud of who I am putting out to the world?

If you are then crack on. Be true to you, no matter what anyone else might think - let them have their thoughts, let them react how they want. At the end of the day the person you should be trying to impress is yourself.

The Intention was always good

Think about how you want your children (or any young people in your life) to grow up. Most parents want their kids to be kind, thoughtful, and considerate. To be generally good people.

But here’s where we go wrong: We teach children to behave based on external validation. Behave so your teacher will praise you. Be kind so your friends will like you. Own up so people will forgive you. We forget that the most important thing is what they think of themselves - this is a foundation for self-worth.

The message? Do the right thing so others will approve. The intention is good but the result is many of us grow into habitual people pleasers - constantly seeking validation, shaping ourselves to fit what we think others want an forgetting what we want in the process.

If you think I’m exaggerating, just scroll through social media. How many posts are raw and unfiltered? How many have been carefully curated, edited, and presented to ‘please’ others and avoid negative feedback?

Reclaiming Yourself

I want my kids to behave in a way that makes themselves proud and I want them to hold themselves accountable for their actions. And I want that for myself too. If I am acting in a way that aligns with my values, then I can let others think, say, and do as they please—without losing myself in the process.

Let them think what they want.

Let them behave how they want.

Let them.

And then… let me focus on me. Let me say and do what feels right, what is true to me, what makes me proud. If others are happy as a result that is a bonus - not the focus.

Inevitably, I will upset people, I might make the wrong call and I will make mistakes. But not because I intend to - simply because I am human and suffer misjudgements. This is true for every single being on this planet. However, losing myself in an endless attempt to please everyone is exhausting and so I call time out!

So if, like me, you’re ready to start a new chapter - ready to break free from the constant anxiety of worrying about what everyone else thinks - then I invite you to embrace the ‘Let Them’ mindset.

Let yourself be you—because the authentic version of you is always the best version.

Carrie x

The Mel Robbins Podcast - https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast