Parenthood: No One's an Expert

The inspiration for this piece struck me following a heartfelt conversation I recently had with another mum.

In our discussion, she expressed concerns about her approach to a specific situation involving her child. It was evident that she was in a state of turmoil, fretting about any potential long-term repercussions on her child's emotional well-being.

From where I stood, it was crystal clear that she was doing an exceptional job and had handled the situation with utmost care.

As I watched her unfairly berate herself, I couldn't help but recognise my own tendencies toward self-criticism as a parent.

This reflection lingered with me for quite some time. You know the saying, "We are our own worst critics"? Well, it couldn't ring truer. Deep down, I understand that I'm giving parenthood my all, and I'm doing an admirable job. I sincerely hope you can see that in yourself too!

So, if you're a parent struggling with doubts about your abilities as a mother or father, I urge you to keep reading.

Becoming a parent is an amazing adventure, one filled with joy, challenges, and countless questions. As I've navigated the bumpy path of motherhood and spent time with other mums, each with their unique parenting styles, I've come to a realisation: there's no such thing as a true "expert" in parenting.

I understand this statement might raise some eyebrows, especially with the number of parenting "experts" offering valuable insights and advice so let me clarify. Parenting is an incredibly diverse practice, and no single approach can be deemed the definitive "right" way. It's a multidimensional process influenced by factors like the parents themselves, the child's nature, the society they live in, and the culture they embrace. Therefore, it's unrealistic to expect any one person to possess all-knowing expertise as that would require them to understand not only parenting but also the parents, society, culture, and various other influences like religion, financial status, and childcare choices.

Of course, some fundamental principles guide parenting—such as not abusing or neglecting children. However, even these boundaries blur in the face of the overwhelming plethora of information we are exposed to via the media. Even the words we use, with and around, our children and the methods we use to ‘discipline’ them are now subject to scrutiny.

The fear of doing something "wrong" and potentially harming our children looms large, leading to a culture where losing your temper and raising your voice at a child is perceived as a failure of self-control and parental privilege. It's no wonder so many parents are struggling with over-analysis paralysis!

Most parents, myself included, often find themselves in a state of constant uncertainty, questioning every decision they make. The once-reliable instincts and rational thought processes are now competing with advice from social media influencers who claim to know the best way to interact with children.

Can't we acknowledge that we're all doing our best with the resources we have at hand? By resources, I mean everything from knowledge and emotional capacity to financial stability and access to nutritious food. While there may be a minority of parents who may deviate from this norm, the vast majority are genuinely doing an incredible job in the face of significant challenges.

As parents we may have different approaches, beliefs, and disagreements, but that's perfectly okay. There's no one-size-fits-all manual for parenting because every parent is unique, and every child is an individual. All we can do is the best we can with the tools in our arsenal. If something doesn't work out as planned, don't berate yourself; instead, reflect and course correct. It’s all trial and error and remember what works for one of your children might not be appropriate for the other.

So, back to my point - no one is an ‘expert’ on everything when it comes t parenting, and no one gets it "right" 100% of the time.

If you find yourself struggling, don't hesitate to seek help; parenting is undeniably one of the toughest jobs on the planet. We are not meant to do it alone. Share your struggles, talk to your fiends and family, seek advice from people who can give informed and well-intended help.

Here is my piece of advice: resist the urge to constantly compare yourself to influencers or self-proclaimed experts on social media. If someone claims to be an "expert," take a closer look at their credentials and the specific area of expertise they claim. Seek advice/guidance from them in their area of specialism but be aware that their perspective is just one of many, perhaps all equally valid.

Instead, experiment and discover what works best for your child. Nurture your relationship with them, and let their cues guide you. If they don't sleep through the night, wet the bed at five years old, or refuse to eat broccoli, these aren't "problems"; they're simply the quirks of childhood. And you are just a parent, doing the best you can with the resources you have at your disposal.

If you eventually gain more resources, by all means, expand your toolkit, but remember that this takes time.

Above all, take care of your own needs, stop being so hard on yourself, filter out the noise, and recognise the incredible job you're doing as a parent. At the end of the day you can not show up as the parent you want to be if your stressed and exhausted - your needs matter too!

Your Life. Your Future. Your Wellbeing. Your Choice.

Choose You.