Is your attachment to ‘things’ keeping you stuck?

I’m going to ask you a few questions and I want you to be really honest - there is no one judging, watching or listening (not even me!).

What do you really need?

When you look around you how much stuff do you really need to function and enjoy a relatively comfortable life - what contributes to your physical and psychological safety?

How much stuff around you is just stuff - stuff that contributes nothing, or very little, to your safety or comfort?

If you’re feeling brave (and have the resources to hand) I would encourage you to get a pen and a piece of paper and create two columns. Title one column ‘Essential’ and the other ‘Optional’. If you are in your house then great - focus on the room you are in. If you are not home then just think of a room in your house.

Look around you, for each item you can see list it into either the ‘Essential’ or ‘Optional’ column. Just start with the stuff you can see or we could be here for a while!

To help you differentiate use the following guide:

Something can be considered ‘Essential’ if it contributes to your physical survival, safety or comfort, or meets your psychological/social needs, for example belonging and connection.

When thinking about each item if it does not meet an essential need then pop it into the optional column. Don’t worry, I am not going to make you get rid of these (yet) - this is just an awareness exercise.

Have you finished? Great, now answer the next few questions. Again, try and be as honest with yourself as possible.

How much money have you spent acquiring the optional items (estimate)?

How much money do the optional items cost you to use? (i.e electricity/add ons)

How much time do you spend maintaining and/or cleaning the optional items? (i.e. ornaments/electrical appliances)

How much time do you spend worrying about the optional items? (i.e. do they cause you stress when you look at them? / do you worry about a child breaking it/someone damaging it / do you worry about its environmental impact…anything at all - if it worries you in any way then acknowledge that worry - no matter how silly or trivial it may seem).

Okay, now for the next question. You need to be really honest with yourself because it will be tempting to lie….

For each optional item ask yourself - Is the money and time you have spent on the item worth the pleasure it gives you. Cross out any items that you can honestly answer ‘YES’ to, you can keep these.

Now look at what you are left with….

How many items will incur a future cost - either in time and/or money?

How many items just add clutter to your environment thereby taking your attention away from things that are really meaningful or beautiful?

You now have an important decision to make. Are you going to let these items cost you time/money, or add clutter, or are you going to get rid of them?

For those items you can let go of think about how they could bring you money by selling them, or add value to someone else’s life by donating them.

You can repeat this activity for each room in your house. See just how much stuff you have that you don’t need and which is depleting you of valuable time and/or money.

If you find that you haven’t got many items to get rid of then Congratulations! - you are surrounded by stuff which adds value or keeps you comfortable and/or safe. You have not fallen prey to materialism or consumerism and should feel quite smug that you are in the minority!

Are you ready to take things a bit further? Okay, bare with me and you will see where all this is going and why it is so important for getting unstuck.

The next step is to do the same with your daily activities. This might be slightly trickier depending on how busy you are.

Everything you do takes time. Time is your most valuable resource and I can guarantee you that once its gone you won’t get it back. Time costs you energy and can cost you money, it can also cost you opportunities.

Get ready, get your paper and pen. Now take a typical day. List everything that you do and try to estimate how much time you spend doing each activity. Include everything! Even sleeping and going to the toilet. Your phone can come in handy here as it can tell you how much time you spend on certain apps/social media, maybe if you are really productive it will also tell you how much time you spend exercising (yes, you can feel smug again).

Okay, if you have made it this far then I am going to invite you to do the same for each day in a typical week. Or, if this seems like too much effort (or too depressing) just multiply the time for each activity you have already listed by 7 - unless you know you don’t do it 7 days a week and then be realistic, don’t kid yourself that you spend 7 hours in the gym (I know you are fibbing!)

How are things looking? The next step is to categorise the activities into ‘Essential’ and ‘Non-essential’ - You should be fairly practised at this by now so hopefully it won’t take you too long.

Side note - be wary of how you perceive addictive behaviours - you will be tempted to think of them as ‘Essential’ - if in doubt go back to the guidance notes above. Stick to it, no matter how much your brain may try to convince you otherwise!

Now for each of the non-essential activities repeat the process of asking yourself whether the time you spend on it (remembering you won’t get that time back) is worth the pleasure it brings you. Cross out the activities that you can justify doing for the pleasure they bring (again be wary of addictive behaviours).

Another side note - For activities spent with people you also need to consider how important these people are to you. Do you get excited at the thought of seeing them? Do they lift you up? Do they add value to your life in anyway? If not, then why are you spending time with them? if you don’t know why you spend time with them then it’s time to get ruthless - cut them away… gently.

For any activities that you are left with, total up the approximate time you spend doing these in a typical week.

How much time is spent on activities that are not important? This is time you could spend doing things for you - that you really want to do. This is time you could spend with people who matter in your life - people that bring you joy.

Can you start re-evaluating your time? Try cutting out some of the activities. If there are activities you know you absolutely can’t cut out can you cut down on the amount of time you spend doing them?

If your time is taken up completely by pleasurable and essential activities then that’s great - unless you are so busy you that you simply don’t have time for anything else…. well, that might have to wait for another blog post.

Now, here comes the point of this exercise…

Do you ever find yourself saying ‘I don’t have the time to…..’ or ‘I don’t have the money to…’?

How many things do you put off doing because of these two excuses? How many opportunities have passed you by, or are passing you by? How many friends have you not seen? How much time have you not spent with loved ones?

If you can cut down on buying non-essential items and sell the non-essential items you do have then you will free up money to do the things/buy the things that are important (or save for bigger items/activities). If you can cut away the activities that are not important then you will have time for the activities and the people that are important.

It may take effort to do the inventory above but the pay off could be life changing. At minimum you will create more space and a clutter free environment, or you could find you have the time and money to start that course you’ve wanted to do for years, or read that book that’s been on your shelf for the last 6 months.

We are richer than we have ever been (relatively speaking) and have more belongings, but people in developed countries are more unhappy than people who have less. That is because (newsflash) ‘stuff’ does not make you happy, in the long run it just make you focus more on what you don’t have. It reinforces upward comparisons and, if you didn’t know, this is what marketing exploits.

We are also more busy than ever and consequently more stressed, disconnected and depressed. Being busy is not a status symbol! When we get together with colleagues or friends conversations often start with a ‘who is the busiest/who is the most stressed’ dance off and if you don’t win then you are clearly not doing enough. What is up with that!? Why is it seen as negative if you have time to do something for yourself or spend time with your loved ones - surely I am not the only one to think this is crazy, not to mention dangerous for work productivity and mental health.

If you do not have time for yourself then that is NOT okay. It is not good for you or your relationships, don’t let it continue and don’t engage with people or organisations who think it is okay.

Right, back to the point. Change is not easy, but it can be made easier by removing the barriers to change - time and money being two of the biggest barriers.

Next time you want to buy something ask yourself if you really need it, and next time you say ‘yes’ to an activity/engagement, ask yourself if doing it will add value to your life.

When I work with clients to help them improve their health or transform their lives I have to bring awareness to the excuses they make, and the story they are telling themselves, for why they can’t move forward. These excuses keep them from making the changes they need to bring about their desired results, however, once challenged and removed then clients are able to take steps forward. Once you take that first step then you will gain momentum and start to realise you are capable of so much more than you thought - it will take courage and perseverance but fortunately you are in luck as these traits are part of your DNA!

So what are you waiting for…. remove those barriers and those excuses and start living your life on your terms, your future self will thank you!

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